Postpartum with a Toddler: Feeding Your Nextborn
The first time around, you only have one tiny human to worry about which is a monumental task in itself. You often have the will, the focus, and the time to devote to hours and hours of feeding. But, what happens when you have a toddler AND a newborn, and breastfeeding is not going the way you had hoped?
“We don’t have to do it alone,
we were never meant to”
- Brené Brown
There are so many wild cards from delivery interventions to the baby’s ability to regulate and latch… and disruptions in the first days of feeding can wreak havok on what you imagined would be a relatively smooth transition since you have some experience under your belt.
While there’s SO much information available and a lot of push for mothers to breastfeed as much as possible, I know from my own experience and my interactions with hundreds of new parents that it is WAY MORE COMPLICATED the second (third, fourth, etc) time around. Sleep deprivation can be harder to manage with an energetic toddler also needing your now divided attention. The physical load of mothering a toddler in addition to postpartum recovery, even when you have support, is heavy on your body and heart. So many emotions, sometimes feeling like your heart is being pulled in two directions. Maybe the feeling of “not enoughness” creeps in too, with thoughts like, “I should be able to do this!”
What I want to say to all of you mamas in this scenario, is that your first priority is to do what’s best for you AND your family. If trying to exclusively breastfeed feels like too much, then come up with a “right now plan” to help you through the week ahead. Whether you’re experiencing nipple/breast pain with feeding, enduring triple feedings with a sleepy baby, or struggling with your own healing after delivery, shifting your feeding plan temporarily could be the best thing for all of you. It doesn’t mean it’s forever and it doesn’t mean you’re failing. In fact, I believe it shows your strength and ability to navigate the many challenges that will come your way AND can boost your confidence and trust in yourself and your instincts in knowing what’s best for all of you.
So, what can you do when you find yourself grappling with unexpected challenges?
Have a conversation with your partner or a close friend to talk about what’s coming up for you and what you think might be most manageable for the next few days. Start there.
If you don’t already have feeding support (lactation consultant or a feeding specialist), connect with resources in your area or virtually if needed. Receiving guidance from other mothers might feel helpful, but it’s not a replacement for the support of a trained professional.
Remember that YOU are what your children need - and HOW YOU ARE is not something you can hide from tiny humans. Babies and toddlers rely on us as parents for regulation, so if we are struggling with our own regulation and mental health, they will feel that too. The best thing you can do is take care of your needs so you can continue taking care of your babies.
You’ve got this, even though it’s really hard. You’re not alone - and by next week, the feeding plan might change yet again.
If you’re struggling and need somewhere to start, please schedule a FREE 20-minute virtual consult so I can help you find the right path for you and your family.
Also, check out my free download, Feeding Your Newborn, if you’re looking for more support with combo-feeding.
